Joan’s back and I’m glad. In her most recent post she describes a masterful transition, whilst being overburdened by grad school deadlines, from a “this-will-not-do” dating scene to a “we’re friends and that’s how we like it” scenario, with added difficulty elements thrown in. But also, anecdotic evidence in support of -“why it is not always the best idea to remain friends with exdating counterparts”- is provided through a very illustrative sequence of events concerning her roommate.
Just wrote this to a surfer friend who can be found if you Google “Ku Yah RAS”. He’s got some good poems there :
I just like to read in lieu of people with whom to have good conversations. And no, I have not read S. King’s “On Writing” but would like to. I am acquainted with some of Viktor Frankl’s ideas and concepts although I have not read “Man’s Search for Meaning” which is on my list. On Hamsun and and Bolaños, I’ll first go for Bolaños who is also on the list.
The idea of writing in a different way came up, or actually returned, somewhat unexpectedly, but once I made up my mind to try it I kept on discovering and learning the complexity involved in actually learning to write. By this complexity I do not mean the technical aspect of it, but more the development of a narrative form from within that better reflects what I feel or intend to transmit onto the paper. The act of writing as a process in which one constructs articulated words which contain ideas that interact with each another creating not only meaning but, ideally, beauty. The superlative combination of meaning, intellectual aesthetics and emotional resonance expressed through the written word. At this point, I am beginning to believe in the instinctual flow of meaningful writing by which words flow and meaning and emotion is created with no clear or definable volitional intent. To achieve this state in which words flow all one can do is read and write as often and as much as possible, get it out and down on paper no matter how it turns out, as you’ve mentioned, and then pursue sense, clarity and correctness in the successive and burdensome editing process. So, it is this sense of primal writing that I now seek; I’ve come to believe that if the intrinsic beauty and meaning are not attained on the initial act, no amount of editing will make it right. All this, of course is speculation and I could just as well come to a dead end and have to backtrack or bail out.
I found this on a fellow blogg called Chromaheart, it reads:
Shame on the universe for cursing perfection and utopian conditions. Times like this I can’t help but marvel at distance and beauty and the acid grey-black of the night sky.
I like the way it sounds and the way it seems to be the preamble to grand thoughts. It also has a ring of truth to it and I’d say I can agree with it. Perhaps I’d change it a little, just a little, like: “Shame on the universe for cursing perfection and utopian dreams. Times like this I can’t help but marvel at distance and beauty and the acid grey-black of this sky at night.”
I still remember getting up early in the morning before sunrise to go out running. I’d open my eyes without the need for an alarm, look at the ceiling in the dark, hear the air conditioner hum, hear her breathing softly next to me. I’d get up from bed, careful not to rouse her, slowly walk across to the door and turn the knob counting her breaths, turn the knob and walk outside onto the hall, then closing the door slowly and feeling safe there in the darkness. I would go down the stairs and into the hall, where I’d always leave my running shoes and shorts the night before, to get dressed before I made it out on the street. I’d run for an hour or more, I’d run all the way to the seawall and back, I’d run and not want to come back until I knew she’d be leaving for work. I wanted to find a way to run out of that relationship. If I didn’t start the day with her the evenings were bearable. Then, one morning, just as I was about to make it to the hall, I heard her get up and say, “Wait. I’m coming with you”.
I hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us,
I hope we come out with a fail-safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us.
I hope the fences we mended fall down beneath their own weight,
And I hope we hang on past the last exit, I hope it’s already too late…
Three months is an impossible amount of time to wait. If I was seeing a girl 4 times a week for 12 weeks, and for some reason progressing into sex didn’t feel right it would probably mean that it’s not going to happen, it could be that I’ve at last found my long lost sister who was abducted by roaming gypsies at birth, but love-of-my-life-until-death-do-us-part material, she is not . As matter of fact, yes, it would feel awkward, and if I feel we could be unto something but sex feels uncanny, I would start conjuring up all kinds of probable psychopathology going on in the background.
Ok. Switching into brother/dude-friend- mode. Date #6 or W2 does sound like a safe amount of time to wait but in a way it’s got to do more with the guy’s attitude. What and how he does it. How much time, energy and money he invests in it (i.e. getting you into bed). I’ve really given up on trying to guess at how you know you’ve got a keeper but I do know my attitude as a guy is different when I see some kind of relationship potential in it, as a matter of fact, I don’t even expect to “land a try”” on the first dates, I want her to see who I am in a more complex way before the sudden intimacy sex brings about, and yeah, I want to see who she is before I’m sex crazed and trying to get her clothes off every time we’re alone.
But. But, but, but, there’s another dimensionality that makes it more complex, it’s not only “when” but also “what” you do on those first trysts. There’s things I’ll try to get away with on some women that I’d never even consider with another, and it all depends on where I see it going. As matter of fact, there was this one girl with whom we were being very romantic/conventional through out and carrying on well enough until about six months into it we accidentally discovered a level of kinkiness/intensity we had been both trying to hold back thinking it was inappropriate and might scare the other away.
Lastly, no need to protect the fragile male ego, men who use their insecurity to get a grappling hook on you have mother issues they should figure out in therapy, sooner or later you just learn to deal with rejection, it’s just part of it.
I think both views are correct. It is not, I believe, a dichotomic issue. It’s not only up to every person to do what they feel is right, but to learn and trust her feelings through all the advise or opinions put forth. To make it even more interesting or distressing, one can change with experience and different types of dating and relationships develop in your life. I think you can stop seeing someone when it stops being “fun” but I’ve also found out that that’s when emotional meaningfulness comes forth and starts to grow, it is not the good times that make lasting bonds, it’s the difficult and sad times that consolidate our lives with that of others.
You can date to have fun, gain experience or try to know a person as profoundly as possible to finally just move on, or you can be on standby until whoever meets your expectations comes along, either way, it’s going to take a lot of effort to make things work once the initial jitters are over. Ultimately it’s one’s own capacity to love, live, forgive and contribute in creating a mutual life that will make the difference.
So, I would agree with you, Joan, there are people with whom it’s fun to date, others with whom you feel there could be more of a future (whatever that means to each of us) and others with whom it’s just about the sex and intensity. At the same time though, I agree with M. Kundera when he states that our lives are like musical scores, the more you advance on your own, the harder it will be to combine it harmoniously with that of another person.
At this point in my life I feel grateful towards all the women with whom my path has crossed, many of them have made me a better person and some of them stood by me even after I hurt them, teaching me things I never imagined about what it means to love.
Hoy leí esto y pense lo siguiente:
Considero que al presente la inscripción al padrón electoral y la asistencia a votar en las elecciones han dejado de ser indicadores fidedignos de la madurez o salud democrática en Bolivia. Es cierto que en un inicio la relevancia de acudir a votar estaba fuertemente ligada a la memoria de las dictaduras militares, siendo necesario que reafirmemos nuestro deseo y voluntad no regresar nunca a dichos escenarios, sin embargo, la amenaza de una dictadura militar ya no es un fantasma que haya que conjurar.
Contrariamente a lo que se señala en el comentario, un factor de peso insoslayable en Bolivia es justamente el de la obligatoriedad de asistir a votar. En los últimos años lo que mejoró en forma sorprendente es la eficiencia de los mecanismos coercitivos mediante los cuales el estado impone dicha obligatoriedad, cosa que no ocurría antes por falta de eficacia a la hora de identificar y sancionar a los omisos. Actualmente, a diferencia de hace 10 años, el certificado electoral es requerido ampliamente tras las elecciones y la imposición de multas llega a ser draconiana. Para tener un referente válido de la influencia de dicha situación tendremos que esperar a que el derecho deje de ser obligación o a que la multa sea simbólica.
El interés en mantener esta obligatoriedad esta dada sobre todo por un aparato político disfuncional que debe de alguna manera dar un barniz de legitimidad a su existencia, y mientras la gente acuda a votar por candidatos que simplemente no convencen, ellos podrán mantener el presente sistema como válido aunque en la práctica veamos que los políticos distan mucho de ser competentes en el manejo del estado boliviano.
Entre los pilares de la Democracia tenemos el derecho a elegir en forma informada y el derecho a ser representados por quienes fueron elegidos. Lastimosamente, por limitaciones históricas contundentes, los bolivianos aun no somos capaces de reconocer y valorar la información como herramienta individual y social, dejándonos llevar más bien por retóricas caudillistas que distan de sostener algún tipo de viabilidad administrativa o económica en un país naufrago de políticas de estado sostenibles o relevantes.
Así mismo, y en ámbito de la democracia, en La Paz no hay un día entre semana que no evidenciemos el fracaso de nuestro aparato democrático, fracaso puesto en evidencia por las marchas de protesta incesantes. ¿Por qué marcha la gente en la calle? ¿Por qué marchan los indígenas del TIPNIS hacia La Paz? Simplemente porqué el presidente, los senadores, los diputados y los prefectos, no nos representan, no velan por nuestros intereses y no son capaces de lograr un vínculo duradero o transparente con los movimientos sociales; fuimos engañados. Entonces, esto no es una democracia, es una partidocracia que al convertirse en gobierno parasita al estado patrimonio de todos, haciendo lo que los parásitos hacen: encontrar la forma de perpetuarse en el poder para poder seguir usurpando la riqueza y seguridad a la cual acceden tras hacerse del poder.
Llega el momento de dejar de medir la salud de nuestra democracia en términos de cuantos acudimos, obligados o no, a las urnas y en vez, ver cuan representativa, trasparente e influyente es la institucionalidad de la Democracia Boliviana.